While stitting at my hometown Starbucks, it occurred to me that I’ll literally never take a full class at my old university again. I’ll never have another late-night dining hall date where I eat Chinese food at an uncontrollable rate, trying to scarf down food while talking to friends. I will never be able to say that I went to a full sorority chapter meeting (okay, that one doesn’t sound as painful as the others to part ways with). I will never swipe into Berkshire Dining Hall in order to get unlimited soup and grilled cheese (however, I might still do this when I come to visit). Needless to say, it’s official--I’m no longer a “normal college student.”
The title of this post is quite literal–let me explain. So many people have been coming up and asking why I did what I did and honestly, I’m not entirely sure I could give you a definite answer. College, in its totality, was never really for me and I truly loved my experience, but it was time that I moved onto bigger and better things. This isn’t to say that I didn’t meet amazing people there, because I did. But at some point, the negatives of staying outweighed the positives, and I couldn’t bare another minute of it. I was sick of sitting in a classroom where teachers would preach things I already knew, test me on pointless material, and question my own life goals when I knew them before I even enrolled in the course.
Growing up, it wasn’t unusual to see the other kids who were interested in a profession that required you to travel elect to go to community college, or even online school. That route was never an option for me as I was labeled as a first generation student, and the profession I wanted to go into at the time, psychology, was not something I could just pursue online (lol at that major, #journalism all the way). In essence, I chose UMass Amherst, the holy grail of random house parties miles away from your dorm, fraternities who struggle to stay afloat because of the most stupid reasons, professors who are ~way~ too eccentric to be in a major city so they instead live in Northampton, Massachusetts, and an expectation to succeed until your hair literally begins to fall out (**cough cough personal experiences**). Welcome to Western Massachusetts, everybody.
College began as it usually does for many–you begin drinking until the sun comes up, you nearly fail a class, and then you realize that your priorities are all out of whack. Suddenly your world is spinning so fast you can’t catch up, and you start to lose sight of the true reason why you ended up there in the first place. My time in college was bombarded with incredible times where friends would make my entire month with just one funny joke or old story time, but it was also clouded with unneeded stress, drama between friends, and the burning desire to make money while I was stuck in my residence hall solving pointless calculus problems.
So, I left.
To preface, I am not dropping out of college. My mentality would never lie with dropping out a semester before I was on track to graduate. In all honesty, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Instead, I elected to finish the few classes I had online, and focus on the things that truly mattered to me–making long-lasting connections, friendships that are worth well past college years, and a strong focus on my career. All in all, I found myself happier, mentally capable to take on the world, and a stronger sense of self.
So, why am I pouring out my heart to all of you? First off, I want to encourage you to look deep within yourself to see if what you’re doing is worth while. Do you feel yourself getting anywhere in life? Do you find yourself studying something that you know you don’t want to do? I always considered the worst fear in life to spend it doing something incredibly pointless.
I would like to leave you with this: If the thing that you’re doing doesn’t make you happy, don’t feel as if you’re tied down. Life is full of surprises, and even if you don’t like the thought of changing up your existing lifestyle to pursue your dreams, it might be the best decision you made. I will go into much more detail on this in a YouTube video one day, but I just wanted to touch on a few points to clear the air. Until then, xoxo.